Zulfa's blog

As I will soon be going back to Japan, I have been contemplating about my own personal definition of home. I've always felt that my home in Depok, Indonesia is my real home, but at the same time I do realize I don't live here permanently anymore; it becomes no more than a place to spend my holidays at. Even though I'm staying in Beppu for the current time being, I haven't thought of it as home. I feel comfortable living there, but there's a slight of doubt to refer to Beppu as home. Another thing which I consider quite weird, is that although I've spent most of my years in Depok/Jakarta, at the same time I don't feel like I belong here either. You see, I'm more of a walking/public transport kind of person, and sadly Depok/Jakarta doesn't really accommodate pedestrians, and riding on public transport is sometimes rather unsafe. Efforts have been made to improve these conditions, but changes cannot happen in an instant. It might take a really long ti

A lot of things have been going on recently. But first, I don't know how many times I need to apologize for keeping on making excuses to not write haha. But from now on I really want to write more often than before. Being rejected has made me pondering a lot more about love. I might have feelings for him, but at the same time I don't know him. I don't know his fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. Heck, I don't even know his favorite food. I was never really close to him; the idea of us being close has only been in my head all along. I don't know his true personality; I might even hate him if I knew him inside-out. There's a high possibility that I might be absorbed in the idea of being in love with him/falling in love with my self-constructed image of him. These feelings might also develop into selfishness; whereas love is nowhere close to being selfish. There were a lot of things that I did to get his attention. But now that I know how he feels about me,

I miss writing. To say this is particularly weird because when you have a passion in something, you tend to steal some time to be able to commit on doing what you love; something that I haven't been doing recently. Throughout the semester my mind was pretty much occupied by various things; balancing my academic and social life, figuring out how to be more responsible in Japanese society, struggling to maintain contact with friends and families back home. Oh, and not to mention budgeting problems; things that have been happening in the world lately really affected the way I use my money. (I'm looking at you, Brexit.) With all these things I have in mind, the idea of writing immediately got shoved into the back of my head without me noticing, and all of a sudden I realized that I haven't written in ages. Sometimes I write in my diary to sharpen up my writing skills, but even that gets forgotten eventually. Towards the end of last semester I was really busy for my moving o

Recently, I have been spending most of my time contemplating about introversion, and the way I normally cope with my surroundings. As a college student living far away from home, not only I learn to live independently from my parents, but I also start becoming self-dependent; which practically means not relying too much on others. I began to realize that since college has started, I normally spend about 60-70% of my time alone, due to my introverted personality and the circumstances that does not enable me to spend a lot of time with my closest friends. My friends and I are mostly busy and have our own things to be done, so sometimes we cannot meet too often. Furthermore, I only have a small circle of friends of which I am very close with, which is also why I spend most of my time in solitude. Don't get me wrong; I love being alone, and for me, solitude is a bliss. Moments of solitude are moments where I can think and reflect deeply on my thoughts and opinions about my life and

I spend most of my time alone. There's nothing to be pitied about Since I love spending time alone As much as I love Spending time with my closest friends But, see Anywhere I go I can never Fit in I am not someone Who lowers my defense So easily I am not An easy person To befriend with, let alone being loved By a significant other. Probably explains why I am used To do many things all alone Even so, I enjoy being alone, And highly value my solitude. But, sometimes When these thoughts come I feel lonely. And no matter how much I love being alone, I don't fancy being lonely.

Dalam seminggu terakhir, hidup saya beserta kawan-kawan diliputi ketakutan dan kecemasan yang seakan tak mau hilang. Semangat awal tahun ajaran, di saat anak-anak memasuki gerbang sekolah dengan penuh harapan, terpaksa diinterupsi oleh bencana yang datang tak terprediksi. Rutinitas keseharian yang penuh keteraturan dalam seketika terobrak-abrik dengan adanya gempa bumi yang meluluhlantakkan bangunan serta menggoncang jiwa para penduduk sekitar. Tanpa kita sadari, bencana mempunyai potensi untuk menyentak kesadaran kita akan betapa berharganya kehidupan sehari-hari yang sesekali terasa menjemukan dan melelahkan. Berkumpul dengan banyak orang lain di suatu tempat yang jauh dari rumah, dan tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan selain menunggu. Menunggu bukanlah suatu aktivitas yang menyenangkan jika pikiran kita selalu dihinggapi kekhawatiran dan rasa takut yang mencegah kita untuk memejamkan mata dan beristirahat sejenak. Berada dalam keadaan seperti itu, membuat kita ingin kembali pada keg

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya menyempatkan diri berkunjung ke toko buku yang cukup besar dan terkenal bersama sahabat-sahabat saya. Awalnya, saya berkeinginan untuk membeli buku fiksi dan nonfiksi berbahasa Indonesia (murni, bukan terjemahan) agar bisa saya bawa saat kembali ke Jepang. Saya mendapatkan beberapa buku fiksi yang memang sudah saya inginkan sejak lama. Namun sayangnya, saya tidak menemukan banyak buku nonfiksi yang cukup menarik untuk saya bawa pulang. Saat saya menelusuri bagian buku-buku nonfiksi, yang saya temukan sebagian besar adalah buku-buku nonfiksi yang merupakan buku-buku kuliah, dan sangat sedikit buku-buku nonfiksi yang diperuntukkan bagi konsumsi publik. Walaupun akhirnya saya membeli satu buku nonfiksi, namun saya tetap saja kecewa dengan kenyataan yang telah saya lihat. Sudah menjadi rahasia umum bahwa budaya literasi Indonesia masih tertinggal jauh dibanding negara-negara lain. Menghabiskan waktu membaca buku tidaklah lebih menarik dibandingkan, katakanl

My first semester as a college student has officially ended, and I am currently home for the holidays. My decision to come home for the holidays was quite sudden and unplanned. Considering the local weather and my health conditions back then, I decided to go back so that I could recover myself physically and mentally. Coming home urges me to re-evaluate myself and and see how much progress I've made, which is what I'll write about now. As I look back, I realized that I gained numerous memorable and unforgettable experiences during the last 4 months. I went through a lot of things that I would not be able to experience if I decided to study in my home country. I met the most wonderful people with the most beautiful minds and interesting personalities here, not only Japanese or Indonesians, but people from across the globe, whether it be professors, fellow students, seniors, and the local people. Since practically I had to do almost everything by myself, I had the opportunity

Menjadi dewasa tidaklah mudah. Tumbuh dan menjadi dewasa, berarti kita telah beranjak dari satu fase kehidupan dan memasuki fase kehidupan yang lain. Meninggalkan masa remaja dan mulai memasuki kehidupan nyata, serta mulai membuat keputusan nyata dan mengemban tanggung jawab atas hasil dari keputusan tersebut. Pelan tapi pasti, kita memegang kendali atas hidup kita, dan orangtua bukan lagi pengambil keputusan utama. Dahulu, saat kita kecil, mungkin sebagian besar dari kita merasa jenuh dengan berbagai aturan yang diterapkan orangtua dalam rumah, dan terpana melihat orang dewasa begitu bebas dalam menjalani kehidupan. Dahulu, mungkin kita ingin sekali cepat-cepat dewasa, agar bisa mencicipi nikmatnya kebebasan dan tidak melulu harus patuh pada aturan atau larangan ini-itu. Sekarang, saat saya perlahan-lahan meninggalkan masa remaja dan mulai beranjak dewasa, saya menyadari suatu hal; kenyataan bahwa kitalah pemegang kendali utama hidup kita terdengar sedikit menakutkan. Kenya

So I just checked out the amount of my blog posts here and I realized that I wrote a lot more 2 years ago than I did last year... ...which is disappointing, yes. Actually, during my first few weeks of college I intended to write a lot more especially since I'm in a new environment.. but it turns out it wasn't that easy. Not only am I swamped with assignments (I'm learning a foreign language and studying my major as well, gosh) I also haven't had the opportunity to have anything good to read, apart from college-related stuff. Which means I didn't have anything good to write about. Even now I don't; I just currently feel the need to pour my heart out. I also didn't want to write crap, either. You know, like meaningless stuff that leads to no conclusion. (Oh wait, then probably this post counts as crap... never mind) During winter break I started reading this really good book about moral philosophy and thankfully it had a few relations on t

Tahun baru selalu identik dengan refleksi dan perenungan tentang apa yang telah terjadi, serta tekad untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik untuk setahun ke depan. Mungkin sedikit telat, tapi saya juga ingin berbagi mengenai apa yang telah saya pelajari dalam setahun terakhir. Secara pribadi, saya tak pernah membuat resolusi tahun baru karena tak pernah menganggapnya penting. Mimpi-mimpi saya terlalu besar untuk sekedar dibuat resolusi. Terlebih lagi, kita tak pernah tahu apa yang akan terjadi selama setahun kedepan. Namun tentu saja, saya selalu mengevaluasi perkembangan diri tiap tahun dan bertekad untuk terus berusaha lebih baik. Setahun belakangan, saya menyadari saya telah banyak berkembang. Pribadi saya berkembang menjadi lebih matang (meski belum sepenuhnya) dan pola pikir saya lebih logis dan terstruktur dibanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Saya juga belajar banyak mengenai kerendahan hati serta ketangguhan dalam menjalani hidup. Saya juga menyadari betapa krusialnya menjaga hubungan