Loneliness

I think I've mentioned about this several times in my previous posts, but it has been something I occasionally experience, and I feel like if I don't write down my thoughts about it I'll get frustrated eventually. Once in a while there are times when I feel lonely. I want to be able to interact normally with other people, yet at the same time I do crave for solitude. I don't know, I like being alone but I crave for social interaction as well. Even though I can be awkward, I like conversing with other people, getting to know their thoughts. But I hate putting in extra effort hanging out with someone I'm not really close with. I feel like when I talk to others I can't be like normal people, sometimes I feel really awkward and out of place. I love reading and I keep on craving for deeper knowledge, I also like to think about current issues and contemplate about life and other kinds of stuff. But most of my close friends aren't really into that kind of stuff, despite some of them being introverts. So when I pour our my thoughts and opinion about it, some of them can be dumbfounded for not having the same interest and not really caring about those kind of stuff. I don't blame them for not understanding, I never intend to make them feel less knowledgeable, I just need to speak out my opinion. I love my friends for who they are, yet sometimes I do wish I'd have like-minded friends who not only chats with me about unimportant daily stuff, but can also hold a deep and enlightening discussion about various things happening in the world, since it fulfills my intellectual needs. I can't help figuring out, how do those smart, creative millenials I follow on social media can have so much like-minded friends? Sometimes I wish I was one of those people, so I don't always have to keep my thoughts to myself. And it won't look unusual for me to talk about deep topics, since I am surrounded by people who are intellectual enthusiasts as well.

The good side, though, is that you get to have an opportunity to share your knowledge to others without being like a know-it-all. You also get to understand the world from their perspective; which gives you a better insight of how other people view the world and try your best to communicate your thoughts on certain issues in a better way that does not explicitly contradict with their views. That way, you'll be able to become a more tolerant person and be able to know how to handle other people's opinions in a better way.

But now that I think of it, I think loneliness is an essential part of human life, something that each of us need to experience in order to grow, like a broken heart. Feeling lonely helps us discover who we are, and it gives us a space to reflect amidst the hectic busyness of our daily lives. I guess it also makes us feel more of a human somehow, by recognizing our inner fears and hopes that we may have unconsciously suppressed inside. We should appreciate the hollow emptiness once in a while

So basically I can conclude that I'm stuck in some sort of dilemma, wanting to get the best of both worlds. I hope I'll be able to overcome this problem soon. Or rather, try to accept myself for who I am and feel comfortable with it.

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