Rant

Things have been like a whirlwind these past few months.

I have fallen and gotten back up many times, I have been hurt and hurt others as well, I have also dealt with the storm that lies within me.

It has been so, so hard.

Every time I start to get back on my feet, every time I try to maintain positivity, something comes and smashes me; making me having to crawl and start again from the previous point where I was.

Sometimes it scares me, what I am capable of.

I am tremendously grateful of the support that my friends and family have given me; but there are times where I also feel bad for making them have to deal with my lowest side most of the time.

I have lost count of how many days I have gone through with barely any appetite, or even the urge to do anything at all.

It has been a struggle for me to let go, forgive, and stay positive.

I hate the fact that I constantly complain due to lack of a capable English-speaking therapist around here when there are so many things I should be grateful of, having the opportunity to study here. The thing is, I feel like constant professional support is essential for me to live my day-to-day life. The lack of it somehow prevents me to enjoy my life to the fullest.

At this point, I just want to get things done and be able to live my life peacefully, without much turbulence.

I hope I will be able to tame, better yet get rid of the demons that lies within me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home

As I will soon be going back to Japan, I have been contemplating about my own personal definition of home. I've always felt that my home in Depok, Indonesia is my real home, but at the same time I do realize I don't live here permanently anymore; it becomes no more than a place to spend my holidays at. Even though I'm staying in Beppu for the current time being, I haven't thought of it as home. I feel comfortable living there, but there's a slight of doubt to refer to Beppu as home. Another thing which I consider quite weird, is that although I've spent most of my years in Depok/Jakarta, at the same time I don't feel like I belong here either. You see, I'm more of a walking/public transport kind of person, and sadly Depok/Jakarta doesn't really accommodate pedestrians, and riding on public transport is sometimes rather unsafe. Efforts have been made to improve these conditions, but changes cannot happen in an instant. It might take a really long ti...
Read more

Budaya membaca di Indonesia

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya menyempatkan diri berkunjung ke toko buku yang cukup besar dan terkenal bersama sahabat-sahabat saya. Awalnya, saya berkeinginan untuk membeli buku fiksi dan nonfiksi berbahasa Indonesia (murni, bukan terjemahan) agar bisa saya bawa saat kembali ke Jepang. Saya mendapatkan beberapa buku fiksi yang memang sudah saya inginkan sejak lama. Namun sayangnya, saya tidak menemukan banyak buku nonfiksi yang cukup menarik untuk saya bawa pulang. Saat saya menelusuri bagian buku-buku nonfiksi, yang saya temukan sebagian besar adalah buku-buku nonfiksi yang merupakan buku-buku kuliah, dan sangat sedikit buku-buku nonfiksi yang diperuntukkan bagi konsumsi publik. Walaupun akhirnya saya membeli satu buku nonfiksi, namun saya tetap saja kecewa dengan kenyataan yang telah saya lihat. Sudah menjadi rahasia umum bahwa budaya literasi Indonesia masih tertinggal jauh dibanding negara-negara lain. Menghabiskan waktu membaca buku tidaklah lebih menarik dibandingkan, katakanl...
Read more

Problems

Sometimes, in life we stumble upon many obstacles, or as we prefer to call it, "problems". Problems can come from anywhere, in every aspect of our lives, from the day we were born, till the day we die. Problems will always come and go, no matter how much we try to avoid it. Well, I can't name each and every problem that you have, but the point is, we all experience them. Often times, problems that come in our lives tend to creep into our mind and dominate our thoughts, and makes us depressed. We should all view problems as obstacles, not just "problems". They're just a stepping stone to shape you into a better person than you were before. Heavy problems can also lead to stressful situations. Try not to take it too seriously, otherwise you'll end up in depression. When this happens, take a deep breath and reflect; view your problem with a clear mind. Don't let your problems affect your physical and mental health, because everyone's life is worth ...
Read more