2017 first post

Despite my achievements, there are times when I feel like I'm heading nowhere in life. Sometimes I feel like I'm only going with the flow without any courage to innovate/start something new in life. There's just so much things I want to do, yet I feel like I've made barely any effort to get towards that. The only thing that is blocking me from doing it is a strong willingness, nothing more than that. And I guess this year I need to get myself to work harder to achieve those things.

On another note, sometimes I don't understand myself as well. I feel like my socializing problems is somehow getting in the way of my path to success. There are times when I feel really inferior around others; to the point that I don't know what I should say or how should I behave. I know I should go out more and meet more people, but I just have no idea what people normally talk about. I normally pay attention to what people usually talk about, to fish some ideas for conversation topics. I thrive for deep and soul-enriching conversations just like most introverts, but somehow I can't bring other people to talk about that easily, while understanding at the same time that everything shouldn't be done in a rush. There's some sort of anxiety that I feel inside, that sorts of erases my self-confidence and make me doubt myself and my capabilities. I feel like I constantly hold myself back, without knowing why. I don't even know whether I'm just making things complicated for myself or not. I need to learn to let loose of the weight inside my soul.

Probably I should learn to laugh and smile a lot more as well. Even though I don't have that much friends, at least I can start by being grateful every single day; and finding the little happiness in life. I need to learn to take a deep breath once in a while; and realize that not everything needs to be figured out. Things take time; all I need is to enjoy the process.

I need to realize that there are bigger, more significant things in life than fussing about the small, daily things. And it's those things that I need to focus more on.

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