A little reflection

I am so grateful these past few months for having been granted with people who choose to stay by my side and listen to what I have in mind. Previously, I have lost several people whom I thought would be friends eternally, but it turns out that either what we had wasn't strong enough or maybe we just don't fit with each other anymore. I mean, come to think about it, the amount of loss I experienced back then is nothing compared to what I gained now. It might seem small in quantity, but weighs heavily in terms of quality. I am surprised of the fact that I am able to make new friends on my junior year, friends whom I have known from the first year but never had the opportunity to get to know deeper. And when I was given a chance to do so, it surprises me but also warms my heart at the same time, that I eventually became closer with them until now.

I have also started to stop looking for fame. Previously, I was so obsessed with having many people knowing who I am, what I do, and what my thoughts are. But the more I get here, the less I care about it. For fame doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. I have learned to be comfortable with myself, and not caring about the opinions of others. As long as we're content with who we are and what we do now, why bother seeking something that is artificial and, most of the time, contemporary? However, in terms of self improvement, I do think we should not be easily satisfied with our current condition, for it may prevent us for becoming the best version of ourselves. But I agree that we should never ever improve ourselves based on the comparison of others.

I am starting to learn to love myself a whole lot more. I have realized that the process of loving someone has blinded me from loving myself, to the extent that I felt worthless when I did not receive any feedback from that certain person. Probably I was unable to get out of the cycle for lack of self-love and appreciation. I have come to realize that I deserve better, no longer questioning of what I lacked to not being able to receive attention from him. From now on, I have chosen to focus on loving and appreciating myself for who I am in the current time being, instead of loving someone else. For these past years my heart is completely exhausted for constantly being in love with somebody. I really do think it's time for me stop and take a break. It is important to love oneself before loving someone else. Even until now I am still learning on how to fully appreciate and love myself, so why bother loving someone else?

I hope I can continue on being content and happy with who I am.