Him

A lot of things have been going on recently. But first, I don't know how many times I need to apologize for keeping on making excuses to not write haha. But from now on I really want to write more often than before.

Being rejected has made me pondering a lot more about love. I might have feelings for him, but at the same time I don't know him. I don't know his fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. Heck, I don't even know his favorite food. I was never really close to him; the idea of us being close has only been in my head all along. I don't know his true personality; I might even hate him if I knew him inside-out. There's a high possibility that I might be absorbed in the idea of being in love with him/falling in love with my self-constructed image of him. These feelings might also develop into selfishness; whereas love is nowhere close to being selfish.

There were a lot of things that I did to get his attention. But now that I know how he feels about me, I no longer think of hoping that he'll fall for me as well. I've accepted the fact that no matter what I do, he might never be able to fall in love with me. So I guess I can say I've stopped trying; but for a good reason.

I admit that I still miss him. I still yearn to see him again. But I just don't know whether it might be good for me to see him again.

A part of me wants us to become good friends and be able to talk freely with him without any certain feelings. But like I said, I don't know.

I fell in love with him because he touched my heart in a way that no one has ever done before. I can't tell if I'll ever find someone else who'll be able to touch my heart again, but for the next 1-2 years I've decided to focus more on myself and no longer invest my feelings in people who don't feel the same as I do. I'm still in the process of healing my heart as well, so I don't intend to let anyone new into my heart for the time being.

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