Posts

Rant

Things have been like a whirlwind these past few months. I have fallen and gotten back up many times, I have been hurt and hurt others as well, I have also dealt with the storm that lies within me. It has been so, so hard. Every time I start to get back on my feet, every time I try to maintain positivity, something comes and smashes me; making me having to crawl and start again from the previous point where I was. Sometimes it scares me, what I am capable of. I am tremendously grateful of the support that my friends and family have given me; but there are times where I also feel bad for making them have to deal with my lowest side most of the time. I have lost count of how many days I have gone through with barely any appetite, or even the urge to do anything at all. It has been a struggle for me to let go, forgive, and stay positive. I hate the fact that I constantly complain due to lack of a capable English-speaking therapist around here when there are so many things
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A little reflection

I am so grateful these past few months for having been granted with people who choose to stay by my side and listen to what I have in mind. Previously, I have lost several people whom I thought would be friends eternally, but it turns out that either what we had wasn't strong enough or maybe we just don't fit with each other anymore. I mean, come to think about it, the amount of loss I experienced back then is nothing compared to what I gained now. It might seem small in quantity, but weighs heavily in terms of quality. I am surprised of the fact that I am able to make new friends on my junior year, friends whom I have known from the first year but never had the opportunity to get to know deeper. And when I was given a chance to do so, it surprises me but also warms my heart at the same time, that I eventually became closer with them until now. I have also started to stop looking for fame. Previously, I was so obsessed with having many people knowing who I am, what I do, a
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On love; I guess

I have always been a hopeless romantic. I have always believed that one day I will find one person to fall deeply in love and spend the rest of my life with. When I was little, having barely any experience on love, I used to deeply romanticize love stories and read numerous of romance stories that I deemed as romantic. If it was not romantic to me, then I would not read it for a second. Yet as I grew older, I became to know that love is not as simple and romantic as I used to imagine. I have never been in a relationship, and have only fallen in love several times, yet I have been through numerous ups and downs in experiencing the feeling of love itself. And right now I feel like I have reached a point where I no longer believe     or care     in the magic of love. I still like watching heartwarming romance movies, and I squeal with excitement every time I watch a movie of two teenagers falling in love. But now that I've experienced the worst, I no longer look at it the same way as
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Opini politik

Pada hari ini, Basuki Tjahaja Purnama, Gubernur DKI Jakarta, telah dinyatakan bersalah atas tindak pidana penodaan agama dan divonis hukuman dua tahun penjara. Kaum intoleran yang sudah lama mengkampanyekan agar beliau ditahan oleh pihak berwajib bersorak ria, sementara pihak-pihak yang mengidolakan Ahok serta mengapresiasi kerja kerasnya mengekspresikan kesedihan serta kekecewaan mereka di media sosial mengenai penegakan hukum di negara ini. Terlepas dari kinerjanya yang memuaskan, secara pribadi saya kurang suka dengan beberapa kebijakan beliau yang mendiskreditkan rakyat kalangan menengah ke bawah, seperti menggusur tanpa mempertimbangkan faktor sosial budaya yang ada. Meski begitu, vonis yang ditimpakan pada Pak Ahok ini merupakan sebuah ketidakadilan, serta cerminan bahwa sentimen agama serta ras masih merupakan alat politik yang bisa digunakan untuk menggiring opini publik pada hal-hal yang tak semestinya. Selain itu, bisa jadi hal ini juga merupakan akibat dari apatisme kit
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Galih dan Ratna; kisah cinta manis yang realistis

Baru-baru ini saya menonton film Galih dan Ratna, yang merupakan film remake dari film Gita Cinta dari SMA tahun 1979, dan seketika saya langsung jatuh cinta pada film tersebut. Bagi yang belum tahu, film Gita Cinta dari SMA merupakan adaptasi film dari novel karangan Eddy Iskandar berjudul sama, yang dibintangi oleh Rano Karno dan Yessy Gusman. Dalam film remake ini, meski para tokoh utamanya tetap sama, namun jalan ceritanya disesuaikan dengan masa kini, serta ditambahkan tokoh-tokoh pendukung yang baru hingga para penonton bisa merasa lebih terikat dengan film. Salah satu hal yang saya kagumi adalah, Lucky Kuswandi, sang sutradara film ini, mampu merangkai ulang sebuah film klasik dengan sedemikian rupa agar terasa nuansa kekinian, namun tak lepas dari cerita utama, yaitu kisah cinta antara Galih yang berasal dari keluarga yang biasa-biasa saja dengan Ratna yang berasal dari keluarga berada. Lucky mampu mengembangkannya bukan hanya sebagai kisah cinta antara dua remaja, namun j
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Salah

Pernahkah kamu merasa bingung dengan diri sendiri? Ketika kamu melakukan hal-hal yang salah tanpa sadar, dan rasa sesal pun datang tanpa henti. Hatimu pun bertanya-tanya, bagaimana bisa dirimu bertindak seperti itu? Seakan-akan ada kekuatan gaib di bawah alam sadarmu yang memegang kendali atas tubuhmu dan memicumu untuk bertindak seperti itu, hingga pada akhirnya kamu kembali berada di alam sadar, dan menyadari bahwa apa yang kamu lakukan sebelumnya itu salah, padahal ketika itu kamu merasa baik-baik saja. Penyesalan dan rasa bersalah pun datang bertubi-tubi, menghantam tanpa henti. Berulang kali kamu lakukan itu hingga dirimu bertanya-tanya, apakah yang salah dengan diriku? Mengapa ku bisa terus bersikap seperti ini? Seakan-akan aku tak pernah belajar dari kesalahan. Melakukan kesalahan satu kali, itu manusiawi. Namun, mengulang kesalahan yang sama adalah tindakan bodoh. Mengesampingkan pendapat orang lain, aku pun bingung dengan diriku sendiri. Aku sendiri tak tahu apa persi
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Loneliness

I think I've mentioned about this several times in my previous posts, but it has been something I occasionally experience, and I feel like if I don't write down my thoughts about it I'll get frustrated eventually. Once in a while there are times when I feel lonely. I want to be able to interact normally with other people, yet at the same time I do crave for solitude. I don't know, I like being alone but I crave for social interaction as well. Even though I can be awkward, I like conversing with other people, getting to know their thoughts. But I hate putting in extra effort hanging out with someone I'm not really close with. I feel like when I talk to others I can't be like normal people, sometimes I feel really awkward and out of place. I love reading and I keep on craving for deeper knowledge, I also like to think about current issues and contemplate about life and other kinds of stuff. But most of my close friends aren't really into that kind of stuff, d
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